Thread: i'm not alone
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Old 11th February 2014, 10:10 PM
hduggan hduggan is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 121
Default Re: i'm not alone

My son had a girlfriend a few years ago who was similarly expressive about how his back looked. He opted out of surgery and had her removed instead and it's done wonders for his self-confidence.

That's not to say that he doesn't still wish that he looked more like other people, but he goes swimming without his shirt on (there's a thread here where we discuss buying men's bathing suits - he opted for bright red to distract from his back), and he wears t-shirts and other form-fitting clothing.

He may still get surgery some day - his curve is in the surgical range - but he no longer feels as if he *needs* to get surgery in order to get on with his life.

I don't want to downplay the emotional side of having kyphosis, I think it's really hard not looking like other people, and I know that men, in particular, often have a history of being teased. But having a non-supportive mate makes all of it seem much much worse then it may actually be. At the height of my son's difficulties with his girlfriend, he was consumed about all of his asymmetries - he had me photograph his face from both sides because he was certain that one side was handsome while the other was hideous. To me, they looked pretty similar. Post-girlfriend, all of that obsessiveness about appearance is gone. He's far more gentle on himself.

You deserve to be treated well, no matter how significant your curve is or is not, IMO.
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