View Full Version : Getting anxiety lately...

26th December 2004, 10:30 AM
I have been wanting to write in here for a while now. I have just been getting so anxious (not in a good way) about my back. It's making me feel all scared and depressed. I just really HATE the feeling I've been having like I'm helpless cause I CAN'T go get my back checked out until my stupid insurance kicks in. I've been paying for coverage but they don't cover "pre-existing conditions" for NINE months!!!!! GRRRRRRR!!!! So I have been on them for 3 months until I get coverage from my work, hoping that the 3 months will be enough to get rid of the waiting period. As far as the one person I talked to at Premera Blue Cross, it should. But it only took like 5 phone calls and about 10 or 15 different transfers to different customer care representatives to get that answer. So I still am not really confident in that answer and I'm afraid I'll have many more months of just WAITING!!! It's driving me out of my mind.

I swear every day the pain is getting worse cause I'm having pains in places I never did. It used to just hurt mainly in my upper back right by the right shoulder blade but now I'm getting a lot of pain in my lower back and in my arms and sometimes my legs. It scares me so much!! I try to talk about it to my husband but he doesn't really like hearing about it cause it freaks him out to think about it. So I feel just so alone sometimes. I really am happy that I have this place to come to and relieve some of my fears. It really helps to hear about others who are going through what I am or what I may.

I just want to be able to go to the doctor in January and get some NEW x-rays and not have them LOSE them! I really want to have surgery sometime soon (If they even will let me) so I don't feel all deformed. I may not look odd to others but I can FEEL it and it makes me crazy. I just want to feel like my spine is doing what it should! My husband just doesn't understand what that feels like to have that feeling EVERY DAY of your life! Sometimes is just gets to be too much and all I want to do is go far away and cry. I hate it.

Back when I actually HAD insurance before I got married I tried to do something about it. I went to my doctor and he tried to refer me to an orthopedic surgeon at the University of Washington but all I got was a letter in the mail saying "sorry, we cannot assist you at this time...BLAH BLAH!!" What the heck?! I just don't understand why nobody wants to help me and they think I can just keep going on my life in this pain and worry!!!!! I swear if I can't get this checked on soon I'm going to snap. It seems that ever since we found out at age 15, everyone has acted as it's no big deal and something I can just shrug off and ignore. IT'S NOT!

Sorry if I just whined away. I know a lot of you are worse off than I am so I really shouldn't complain but I just needed to get that out. It's been building up for a while now and I don't think I can stand to hold it in anymore.

26th December 2004, 11:08 AM
First of all, never ever apologise for posts like this! It's only normal that things get too much sometimes and you need a vent. That's what we're here for.
I sorta had the same anxious feeling you describe, but that was for my surgery and I didn't know what to expect (it was my first ever surgery, it freaked me out). It's horrible that you can't have your back checked out because of a stupid insurance!
I really really hope this get's sorted out asap, so you won't have to worry about it anymore. In the meantime, we're always here if you need to talk to someone!

26th December 2004, 11:19 AM
Hi Lindsay

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this, but as Leen said, please don't apologise for venting your frustrations and feelings here. I've been feeling very depressed and emotional recently too, but I won't go into that here. It sounds like you're in an impossible situation if you can't get checked until your insurance lets you. That really sucks. I can't explain why no one at Washington could help - that seems really odd and completely unprofessional - but I'm sure someone will want to help.

I'm sorry I can't help much, not knowing the US system and not having been through scoli myself, I hope you manage to get something sorted out soon.

Big hugs
Andrea :hug:

26th December 2004, 02:36 PM
Hi Lindsay,
I think your main problem at the moment is the stress and worry brought on by pain.Because you haven't been seen properly by a specialist when you should have, it's certain to make you more anxious about being rejected by the medical profession again.
I know where you're coming from about your husband not understanding.I guess he just can't imagine what pain is like and frankly sometimes people are very squeamish about dealing with medical matters.It doesn't mean he's not sympathetic.
Just toughen your attitude and take it one step at a time.Firstly get your insurance in order! Then find a specialist in your area.The srs give a list of specialists who dedicate 20% of their practice to scoliosis surgery.
try not to get too anxious because you will get this probelm sorted and we'll do all we can to help.

26th December 2004, 05:55 PM
by the way, when you're feeling really bad, try a hot bath with some candles in the background and some feel-good or relaxing music and a good book or something else to read. It eases the pain (because of the heat) and it'll take your mind of things for a while. You might feel better afterwards. Or ask your hubby to give you a massage :-)

26th December 2004, 08:55 PM
*hugs* I wish there was some way I could help you get an appointment with a specialist. I sounds lke you're really stuck until your insurance kicks in. In the meantime, would it be possible to visit a GP and see about getting a prescription for some painkillers? If you weren't in pain constantly, it might be easier for you to deal with everything else. Then, when your insurance kicks in, insist that a specialist listen to you. You might even want to get a second opinion! It's really frustrating when doctors and other people insist on being unsympathetic, but your husband probably doesn't know how to comfort you. I hope you feel better soon.

Amazed Jean
27th December 2004, 01:26 AM
Lindsay, Come on I'm the queen of having people say don't worry about it. You are right to worry about yourself and your health. Just don't make yourself crazy. Having said that i also want you to know that I think Six more months at your age isn't going to do irreparable harm to your spine.. If you wait until you are fifty to do something, then I am going to smack you. (Been there done that) . No one understands you more than SSO. It isn't your husband's back, its not your insurance company's either, its not even your doctor's back. Its you. You do what you can but you aren't to be expected to just calmly wait. If you are doing anything you won't feel as lonely. You do some research. Make an appointment now if you can so you'll be on the books at a time when its convenient. (You don't have to wait 9 months to make an appointment do you?) I worry all the time , it's second nature for me. Sometimes I worry myself into a frenzy, other times I worry myself into depression. Its stupid. It doesn't help. I still do it. I just try not to let it own me. This is going to sound weird but when I get the most depressed and frustrated I try to do something for someone else. Like take my Mom to lunch or call an old friend, help my daughter clean her closet etc. Anything for someone else gets my mind off me. Say a prayer for someone else if you're religious. Don't let it eat at you.

29th December 2004, 04:28 AM
Originally posted by sins@Dec 26 2004, 06:36 AM
Then find a specialist in your area.The srs give a list of specialists who dedicate 20% of their practice to scoliosis surgery.

I already had found this site before and I actually have 2 appointments now with 2 different doctors. 1 of them mid January and the other one at the end. Both doctors are active SRS members and I had specifically made sure that my insurance covers going there. I'm so excited. Funny how much better I feel now! :D