View Full Version : Decisions

6th November 2004, 07:47 PM
Hi guys! im so annoyed today (at my parents) my mum has it into her head that I am going to take a year out....and maybe get some experience in O.T and mature a little more, and also to get my surgery outta the way!
But I don't want to take a year out....and well today I was talking to my dad about uni, and he was like sure your taking a year out, and im like no im not.
And then he sed its so that you can have this op...and im like well they sed thewy can do it when its ok for me.
and then he sed so your gunna make us wait for another year.....
ah hello its me having the surgery here!
I'm sorry but I just feel my parents are making all of my decisions for me, and I don't want that! My mum sorta made the decison for me to have the surgery too...cos like when the Dr sed yeah she will need surgery, my mum was like yeah we sorta thought she would and I didnt really get asked how I felt about it

6th November 2004, 08:02 PM
Wow, that really stinks. I don't think you should take a year off if you don't want to. My parents made sure to ask me if I was sure I wanted surgery. Do you want surgery?

6th November 2004, 08:07 PM
what's O.T.?
I would talk to your parents, tell them how you feel and that you don't want to take the whole year of. It's really not that necessary to take a whole year for recovery, I mean after a few weeks/months you're ready to do some things.

6th November 2004, 08:22 PM
elvinwarrior - I sort of do and sort off dont want the surgery, but i dont wanna take a year out

BlueIce- O.T is Occupational therapy (that is what i am applying to do at uni) I have talked to them, I said, look guys I dont wanna take a year out, and they r just like so your going tomake us wait longer.
But its my choice, and its what I wanna do (or not wanna do) they think i am being selfish making them wait!

6th November 2004, 10:06 PM
It's your body, your surgery, your future and your choice. I know it isn't always quite that simple when families get involved in it (as they inevitably are with something this major), but really it is your choice and needs to be done when it's best for you. Perhaps planning for the *possibility* of a year out isn't such a bad idea, because that way you've got things in place if you don't bounce back quite as quickly as you want to, but other than that I think you should get it done when you want to.

6th November 2004, 10:20 PM
It's your choice and your life Abbi, do what makes you happy :squeeze:

6th November 2004, 10:37 PM
I agree with everyone else. You're 18 and certainly seem mature enough to make this decision on your own. You might want to talk to your parents and try to make them see your side of it, and let them tell you why they think you should take a year off. But I think in the end it's your life and your back and you should be the one to make the decision.

7th November 2004, 05:28 AM
Well, I think you need to talk with your parents Abbi, and when you're all calm so you don't yell at each other. But, as everyone said, it's your life and your spine. So it should be your decision.

7th November 2004, 09:18 AM
But when you talk to your parents, find out what your insurance coverage says... if there's some age cutoff to stay on their insurance, make sure you don't get too close to that that they don't cover it.

EDIT: Oh, duh. I just remembered you're in Ireland. Nevermind.

7th November 2004, 11:36 AM
Aww Abbi, this seems really unfair. Can you talk to them and make them see it from your point of view? It is your body and your surgery, and your life, and you need to decide what you want to do. If they make the decisions for you, you'll end up falling out over it and none of you wants that. In their defence, you are still their baby and they are trying to take some pressure off you by giving you a year out - perhaps they see it as the easy option, so be grateful they care so much.

However, they need to see you as an adult, so try and talk to them and make them see you're mature enough to make your own decisions and your own mistakes and that's what you want (not to make a mistake, obviously). Good luck.

7th November 2004, 12:03 PM
Abbi, I agree with the others with regards to making your own choices, but you must consider how you will be feeling after the surgery. If you can arrange to have the surgery during the holidays and before uni starts, then you may well be fit enough to start back when the new term begins. But, and this is through my own personal experience, there was absoultely no way that I could have started back at uni so soon. I was 18, the same age as you, and I decided to put off university until a year later. Instead, I chose to do more A-Levels, because this meant that I could still be studying, but not at such an advanced level where attendance really is crucial.

You also need to think about where you want to study. If it is away from home, you will find it more difficult making the leap when you won't be feeling 100% or having your friends and family around you. All I know is that it took me a good few months before I felt normal again after surgery. If you can arrange surgery for the long summer-break and be able to have about 12 weeks recovery from that date and then go to uni, I think you will be fine. But if you are still in recovery (remember you might still have a backbrace, etc), then I would seriously consider applying to university for the following year. Think about what you could do with a year out from studying - you could earn some money and gain worthwhile experience and make your application to university even stronger.

Please also remember that leaving your surgery will only make it harder for you to obtain better results. I'd really try and have it as soon as possible.

7th November 2004, 03:03 PM
Hiya Abbs , now I'm going to come from the parents point of view .When your children grow and get older you still seem to look at them as children and it's hard not to make decisions for them or treat them still as kids .I agree though that it is your body and at 18 it is down to you but I wouldnt blame your parents , they are probably scared to death too . Best to sit them down and have a good chat with them and explain how you feel .I know it's you facing the Op but it's a stessful time for all of your family .If you need a chat or just someone to shout at , you know where I am and dont worry too much your faith will see you through .Take care Abbs.

7th November 2004, 08:08 PM
well its not really the actual surgery, I am fine with that (sorta) i was just a little annoyed that my mum kinna made the decison for me to have surgery.
I think i will actually take a year out, cos in a way I can gain experience and earn money (as charlotte said) and yeah...so I have kinna thought through it more...I was a little rational earlier, so i think a year out would be good!
I am so selfish, I mean I didnt even stop to think of my parents, cos it must be hard on them too....
Andrea ~ how is it for you when erin has to have her plaster changed? I suppose it must be hard...Im sorry for venting....

Amazed Jean
7th November 2004, 09:15 PM
Abbi, I know you don't want another parental point of view. but the Mom in me just shouts "Lsten to your parents." At age 18 I was in the I can do anything stage. What was best for me didn't much play in. I actually did think that I was indestructible! I talked a good talk - pretending to listen, but in reality I heard that old Peanuts comic strip quote, "Wah, wah, wah." Now that I'm on ther other side I distinctly remember having some heavy arguments with our daughter when she was 18 - she was convinced that we were out to ruin her life. Rain on her parade,spoil her fun and be her pain in the butt parents. In reality we would have thrown our bodies in front of a speeding truck for her and we still would. Parents are trying very hard to make the best decisions with the least amount of pain for their children. I know it bites to have to slow down and listen to what's going on and let it settle before you write down your feelings, read it through and then ASK to discuss. Its so much easier. Oh yeah if you want to blast away at a parent I'm available. Go right ahead. I'm a great listener.

7th November 2004, 09:55 PM
No you're not selfish , it's only natural to go through what you are going through .And you vent as much as you like , it's good to vent now and again.

7th November 2004, 10:00 PM
Yeah that's what we're here for, vent away my friend we don't mind :squeeze:

7th November 2004, 10:19 PM
definitely feel free to vent! it's much better to vent at people over the puter than in person.

7th November 2004, 10:19 PM
You're not selfish at all - vent away. As for being a parent of someone going through treatment, it's hard, and I'd be a liar if I said it wasn't. I hate seeing her in hospital and I'd much rather it was me. It's so hard to take when it is your daughter going through the pain and discomfort - it tears me up. But we parents know we're doing the best we can for our children, and that's probably why your mum made the decision for you to have surgery - it's the best option for you and she still feels responsible for you. You sound like you understand that though and I'm sure you guys will work through it.

7th November 2004, 10:25 PM
Andrea, I really wish my mother wasn't dyslexic, so I could get her on here to talk to you. I think you could stand to talk to another parent who's been through this from your perspective. But from your daughter's perspective, please believe me when I say that she won't remember most of it. *hugs* And you're absolutely right: you're doing what's best for her.

7th November 2004, 10:35 PM
Thanks Kimberly. My hubbie said yesterday that he'd read somewhere that children didn't remember anything before they were 3 years old, although i'm not sure how true that is. I certainly have memories of me before I was 3. However, you're right - she won't remember much of it, and even if she does, hopefully they won't be bad memories. It makes it much easier for us that she never questions why she's in a cast, or why she can't do things, and never complains. She almost seems quite pleased with her cast!