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mcrozier11
6th October 2007, 07:30 PM
Hey everyone! I am a 22 year old male who suffers from kyphosis and scoliosis! When i was about 11 my posture became poor and I have been mildly deformed ever since! I used to be quite an active, cheerful person but now I am almost a complete recluse and have developed social phobia. I am basically so self-conscious of my back! Everything i do, from the clothes i wear and the position I sit when talking to people is designed to hide my deformity! For years i have just been continuing me education at colleges so i could wear what i like like large coats to help hide my shame. Fellow students even nicknamed me the eskimo! I just finished uni did a degree in English but have not found a job as yet! The thought of getting an office job and wearing a shirt and suit scares me because they seem make my kyphosis look more obvious! I seen as specialist last year and he said my deformity was not severe enough to operate on. I am not really in pain although if on my feet all day my ache does ache! What he doesn't understand is the pyschological effects of kyphosis. My self-esteem is at rock-bottom! My doc put me on lexapro recently but not sure if its helping. I'm too afraid to admit to him that my kyphosis is causing me anguish because i suspect he would tell me to get a grip! I constantly make excuzes to not do things with my few friends because of my deformity! I am obsessed with other ppls posture and am outrageously jealous of people with normal backs, which seems to be pretty much every1! Its such a cruel disease because you cant really do much about it! Am i a candidate for surgery? How can i make myself less self-conscious? Please Help.

Thanks for listening

GillyG
6th October 2007, 11:26 PM
Hiya :welcome:

I can totally empathise with your loss of self esteem.

I hadn't realised how depressed I was getting about hiding myself in sacks until I had my surgery last year. The cosmetic improvement was a real bonus for me (I had only been promised stabilization with a small amount of correction) and the boost to my confidence has been amazing. :D

Did you go to a spinal specialist or just a regular orthopaedic guy? The reason I ask is that not many surgeons have much experience in dealing with kyphosis and it may be a case of finding someone who does.

Do you know what your curve measurements are? Unfortunately, surgeons don't usually like to operate for cosmetic reasons alone as fusing the spine can bring problems of it's own, which isn't so bad if you're suffering from pain and disability in the first place, but would be a bit unfortunate if you had been otherwise OK.

Whereabouts are you from? It may be that we can suggest someone for you to see...

Little Ali
7th October 2007, 12:16 AM
Hi :welcome2: Looking forward to hearing more from you.

mcrozier11
7th October 2007, 12:35 AM
Hi guys. Thanks for responding! Gillyg, I'm pretty sure I just seen a regular orthapaedic. I'm afraid I don't know what my curve measurements are either. All i know is that i just can't cope with my condition any more. I am from Northern Ireland, and I'm pretty sure there isn't many spinal specialists here. I just feel so hopeless! I have tried to ignore this problem since childhood but it has overpowered me. Did u get surgery for Kyphosis or Scoliosis?

ELLA22
7th October 2007, 09:31 AM
Hi
I don't have kyphosis or scoliosis but my daughter does. I'll admit to having a hard time worrying about it and have spoken to my doctor as I was having trouble sleeping and she was very supportive. At no point did they make me feel I was being daft. I'm pleased to say that I now feel much better and I'm sure that your doctor would be just as supportive.
I'm sure that you will also feel better now that you have found this site. It really helps to have people to talk to who know what you are going through and it has been a great source of support for me :squeeze:
There will be someone along soon who knows the specialists in Northern Ireland who will point you in the right direction.
What jobs are you thinking of now you have finished your degree? - I also did a degree in English but then had the children so am still not sure what route to go down. Everybody keeps telling me to go down the teaching route but I don't know if I've got the patience :hammer:

sins
7th October 2007, 01:27 PM
Hi and welcome,
What surgeons have you seen in N.Ireland? I understand there are only two, Hamilton and Eames. Unless you've seen either of those specialists you may not have been adequately assessed.Have you been given a measurement for your curvature?
Sins

Amazed Jean
7th October 2007, 02:58 PM
Hello and welcome. I so get what you feel. It's the old "been there - did that." thing. I even have a degree in English. There is no magic to make things better. But I can try to let you know that you are not alone. Many people hate how they look. I don't look at mirrors. I hate having my body. But I won't let this disease own me. I simply refuse to give in. I have bad days. I get depressed. I hide some days. I hear you. Please consider finding a new scoliosis doctor. I'm glad you found us. You are young enough to get help and recover quickly!

Seeking_help
8th October 2007, 05:48 AM
Originally posted by mcrozier11@Oct 6 2007, 05:30 PM
Hey everyone! I am a 22 year old male who suffers from kyphosis and scoliosis! When i was about 11 my posture became poor and I have been mildly deformed ever since! I used to be quite an active, cheerful person but now I am almost a complete recluse and have developed social phobia. I am basically so self-conscious of my back! Everything i do, from the clothes i wear and the position I sit when talking to people is designed to hide my deformity! For years i have just been continuing me education at colleges so i could wear what i like like large coats to help hide my shame. Fellow students even nicknamed me the eskimo! I just finished uni did a degree in English but have not found a job as yet! The thought of getting an office job and wearing a shirt and suit scares me because they seem make my kyphosis look more obvious! I seen as specialist last year and he said my deformity was not severe enough to operate on. I am not really in pain although if on my feet all day my ache does ache! What he doesn't understand is the pyschological effects of kyphosis. My self-esteem is at rock-bottom! My doc put me on lexapro recently but not sure if its helping. I'm too afraid to admit to him that my kyphosis is causing me anguish because i suspect he would tell me to get a grip! I constantly make excuzes to not do things with my few friends because of my deformity! I am obsessed with other ppls posture and am outrageously jealous of people with normal backs, which seems to be pretty much every1! Its such a cruel disease because you cant really do much about it! Am i a candidate for surgery? How can i make myself less self-conscious? Please Help.

Thanks for listening
I can definately relate to your story...I also have become very self consious and have developed somewhat of a social phobia! I also actively try every day to hide the curve and wear lots of clothes. I also make excuses not to hang out with my friends because of the curve...

I don't think there is anyone thing I could say to make you feel better or myself better - I think acceptance just comes with time.

I'd also suggest you try to see a different specialist for another opinion, I also know there are quite a few good surgeons in England - you may want to give that a try. I started a thread in the general forum which lists good surgeons that people have had good experience with.

mcrozier11
8th October 2007, 08:13 PM
Hey everyone! Thanks for your support! Its good to know i'm not going mad - that im not the only one with these problems! I think my orthapaedic was called Dr McCormack! Not sure of first name though! Don't know my curve measurements but perhaps i could find out! Sins, thanks, i mite try to get in contact with those names! Ella, really don't know what job to do! Applied for one in the library but have to wait and see. Everyone says i should be a teacher as well but just don't want to be one! I'm glad i found this website!

GillyG
9th October 2007, 12:27 PM
Originally posted by mcrozier11@Oct 8 2007, 06:13 PM
Applied for one in the library but have to wait and see. Everyone says i should be a teacher as well but just don't want to be one! I'm glad i found this website!
Good luck with the job application! Don't forget though, teaching doesn't have to be with kids - you could teach adults at college/uni, which would be far less of a problem with regards to your self consciousness about your appearance.

I worked in a comprehensive school for a while when my kids were younger and I did get my fair share of cruel comments and sniggering on the corridors as I walked by, so I can fully understand your reluctance to work in a school. I used to turn the tables on them by sweetly asking "Yes, anything I can help you with?" when they did this, so in the end they were more embarrassed than me! :glee:

This website is a Godsend to me, to be able to chat to others who fully understand is worth it's weight in gold. Keep in touch and let us know how you go on.

Gilly xx

Little Ali
9th October 2007, 11:32 PM
Good luck with the job applications! I work in a secondary school and kids can be cruel sometimes. You just have to remember it's nothing personal. It's just cos you're there and if wasn't you, they'd find someone else to pick on!

sg-ni
11th October 2007, 12:30 AM
Hello,
You should go to your gp and see about getting referred to Musgrave park hospital so you can get properly looked at. Dr Eames and Dr Hamilton are the folks there deal with the spine. Both of them are deadon, i was shipped between the two of them when my doc at Musgrave retired.
As for self consciousness, i am not the greatest at giving advice or anything like that, but ~17 yrs of casting an bracing made me really self concious about how i looked, but when i finally finished the bracing when i was 18/19 it was like a big weight off my shoulders an i could start to get out of my shell a bit, still room for improvement these days though. it was all a bit over the top really when looking back on the way i sort of went on back then (im 22 now), but it was really awkward at the time, hard to explain in words really!.
the only thing i can really say is by seeing about getting help for your back, you are taking a big step in the right direction :niceone:

ste

RoughRider504
12th October 2007, 03:40 AM
I go to high school so I can definitely see where you are coming from. My curve is very noticeable too. A while back I was picked on so much but after a while I thought of so many of my own comebacks! :) You just have to take it in stride. If they want to look, let them look. Most mean no harm really, you just have to learn to ignore.

mcrozier11
12th October 2007, 05:46 PM
Hey again! Thanks guys for all your support! It means a lot! I can't believe i've had this since i was about twelve and has take till i am 22 to find people who can emphasize with me! sg ni thanks for your post, I think i will try to get in touch with them! I'm surprised to find people from northern ireland on this site! :niceone:

Little Ali
12th October 2007, 08:36 PM
Where's Abbi? Abbi is from Northern Ireland and had surgery at Musgrave Park. I think her surgeon was Mr. Eames? She looks great anyway. Definitely get in touch with them!!