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View Full Version : Post operative rant thread


mark
5th January 2006, 12:52 AM
Speaks for itself. If you have a need to vent, rage laugh or cry heresthe place to post

mark
5th January 2006, 05:19 PM
Can also be used pre op too any concerns etc feel free to post

thesatindoll
6th January 2006, 07:58 PM
ooh where to start....

I am really angry at my friends..only three bothered to see me..only 6 made any form of contact (including my 3 visitors) and my friends can't be bothered to take care of important school stuff for me....other than that my recovery is excellent! :-)

mark
7th January 2006, 12:09 AM
Friends are a hard one, i have gone through several stages in my life where friends have majorily let me down. I have found however that the close ones have stuck by me through thick and thin. So i can say my circle of close friends is relatavely small but our friendship and bonds are extremely strong.

Hang in there you wil find over the years your friends do change and people will drift away but you will find that the closest will remain friends through your life and will always be there for you

titch
7th January 2006, 12:08 PM
When I had my first surgery, I was visited by:
Family
Next door neighbours
Boyfriend
His parents
2c

My supposed friends, including a nurse who therefore could not claim squeamishness and hatred of hospitals as a viable excuse, didn't bother, despite the hospital being easy walking distance or a cheap bus journey from where they were. Not amused. Not impressed. People can be useless, useless things.

Little Ali
7th January 2006, 10:39 PM
You certainly learn who your real friends are at a time like Leia. Treausre the ones who make the effort and are there for you. They're the ones that are worth worrying about.

Abbi
9th January 2006, 03:52 PM
Yeah, friends are definately a hard one.....a lot of them don't actually know what you have been through - they think like 2weeks later you'll be back to your old self again and can do normal stuff!

I think its only until you really explain the surgery/show xrays, and scars, they really think "wow - that was some surgery" (mines did anyways)

I didn't get visits from a lot of friends in hospital.....cos it was 1.5hours away (but thats no excuse) 5girls from my team came down to see me, 4other close friends, my uncle and my family came to see me. Guess it wasn't too bad.....but yeah, like Ali says, you soon learn who your real friends are!

thesatindoll
9th January 2006, 03:54 PM
Thats very very true.
But I still feel stressed at them, and I really don't know what to do about it, I can't forget it but I don't want to be reminded of it! Argh!

mark
9th January 2006, 05:42 PM
Maybe if you talked to them about it, it sometimes help to get things that are bothering us out and the open and if nothing else they will get to know how you feel

mark
23rd February 2006, 10:02 PM
:bump:

Feel free to start a discussion on any topic

mark

Phil
24th February 2006, 11:58 AM
You know, I feeel crap. Just generally ill and have been for some time. It sucks!

mark
24th February 2006, 03:39 PM
Sorry to hear your still down Phil. How long have got before you can get back to work. Maybe that might the boost you need to get things sorted

Phil
25th February 2006, 12:34 PM
Im not supposed to return to work until May. But we will see ;) I'm thinking middle of April part time.

Little Ali
25th February 2006, 10:57 PM
Give it a go and see how you get on Phil. It might help to get back into a bit of a routine. Just don't overdo it!

mark
25th February 2006, 11:20 PM
A phased return is a good idea for anyone who has been of work for any length of time. Build yourself back in gradually and your much more likely to be less stressed when do return to your 37 hour week or however many hours your nomal week is

Phil
27th February 2006, 10:38 PM
I wish it was 37 hours, the queen expects more for the buck...

mark
28th February 2006, 12:57 AM
O dear you should try local government

Abbi
1st March 2006, 06:34 PM
I gradually got back to work, by doing 3hour shifts, then 4.....now I am up to 6 per day I work! Though thats all about I am getting per week, as we have a lot more staff than before I left for surgery! Which means of course I am earning less! I need to be doing 15hours per week to make what I made on the sick!

so I am looking for a new job! Just wish it wasn't so hard to be employed by someone decent, who gives decent hours and pay!

curvy
10th March 2006, 09:34 PM
Hi all from California,

I first came to this site a few months ago to help me make a decision for surgery....my final decision to have the surgery came from researching several forums and finding other people that waited until 60 and 70s that HAD to have the surgery because they were in walkers and could not straighten....also there was no proof that my curve would not get worse and the pain become unbearable at times.

Surgery date Feb 10. 8 hrs Posterior T2-L3

I had the same issues with nurses for 6 days...if the hospitals are the same as US --understaffed than with three shift changes there were great nurses and not-so-great..lets just say...glad to be home and under my parents care.

I must say the first two weeks home was very uncomfortable. THe rolling muscle spasms were very painful and must say frozen peas helped a lot but most of the time I had to stand up while both my Mom and Dad held frozen peas on my back 24/7 but only at the most 15min. at one time. My parents called the Drs right away and asked for other pain relievers but did not want to give me muscle relaxers and explained these will delay the healing process of the muscles. THe pain relievers would mask some of the pain but I was getting spasms every 15 minutes...kind of glad I didn't because now I am walking at least a mile every day and have been instructed that I can utilize the treadmill on rainy days.

I can really relate with Phil so Phil I would really appreciate any suggestions you receive from your doctor......today marks 1 month since my surgery and my curve seems to be worse and seems to have shifted towards the bottom of my neck and is VERY swollen...hopefully yours will also heal with time and this is normal for us.
I will have my 6 wk appt Mar. 28th.

So if i can give any suggestions with my experience......

Frozen peas small bags for spasms wrapped with a hand towel and apply no more than 15 mins. Also try heating pad but did not seem to work as well.

Hospital bed helped but had to pay rental. The doctor would not write a prescription...I cant imagine trying to get comfortable without it.

Grabber, toilet seat with handles, shower chair, and walker....by the way the only thing the hospital in California supplied was the walker

Music music music

Curious----- a couple of you mentioned that you were sent home with Morphine.
In the states, prescriptions for heavy narcodics are hard to get and its different for everyone. I had to experiment a lot in the hospital to find the right combo...the Doctors said they did not want to send me home with Morphine...I have a feeling the pain may have not been so severe otherwise..
Hydrocodone/Norco every 4 hours
Oxcycontin 1 every 12 hours

This combo seems to help most of time.

Well anxious read everyones progress :wave:

mark
10th March 2006, 10:55 PM
Hi Christina,

I'm glad we could play a part in helping you to make the decision to have surgery. However I'm really sorry to hear that you are suffering from so much pain :squeeze: and i hope you are able to manage it quickly.

With regards to you feeling that you didn't get a correction this is common especially in Shueremann's corrections. Phil had the same kind of reaction after his surgery. Your surgery story seems a lot like the one Phil had and i'm sure as soon as he reads this post he will be at hand with plenty of advice as will John (Zerodegrees) who's also a post op Sheuermann's. Do you know your degree of curve and pre and post op ?

once again i'm pleased you have had surgery but i'm sorry your in so much pain. I hope you can stick around and give us your surgery story once your feeling up to it we have a nice little community going and i hope you stay and become a regular.

Wow we know have John, Phil, Andy, sally and now Christina in the post op Scheuermann's gang its growing by the month.

Take care and heal quickly

Mark

Phil
11th March 2006, 11:47 PM
Biggest kyphosis crew around me thinks!

Oxycontin is great, i was on it for a few days in hospital. 2 a day along with Oxynorm for extra relief. They soon took me off it though and put me back to the codine. Nowhere near as good...

Christina

Sorry to hear bout your troubles but i promise it will get better. It may be slow, i still have really bad days and I'm now around 11 weeks post op i think. In regards to your correction, all i can say is listen to your friends and family cause they can see you better than you can. I still sometimes look in the mirror and think horrid things. I think i know me pretty well and its some kind of mental trauma. I dont know for sure...

My only advice is to do little and take it easy. Don't make judgments on your correction or look yet. Allow trusted friends, family and your Dr do that.

Take care and keep us posted, feel free to ask anything here.

Phil :)

curvy
15th March 2006, 08:53 PM
Thanks Mark,

I see from your previous emails you are in a lot of pain yourself and hopefully you are taking care of it!

Despite the pain of the operation, some days are better than others. I will have another set of xrays taken for my 6 wks op so hopefully everything is fine and I will be able to start to say that all this is worth it.

Before I made the decision to have the operation, I had contacts of two people, one that had surgery 1 year ago and the other for 6 mon's.....both were glad they had the operation but both did say it definitely takes 6 mons to start to feel normal again. One was a hockey Mom who keeps very busy with her two sons so life after the operation definitely will happen.

THanks again Mark for your concerns.....despite you are experiencing pain yourself. :squeeze:

Preop curve 92 degrees with disc degeneration. The doctor stated my curve is now around 40 degrees...I will see on the 28th of March and keep you posted.
Perhaps I should start my own thread and document.

curvy
15th March 2006, 09:06 PM
Hi Phil,

Thanks for your response. When do you have your 6 week postop? I will keep my fingers crossed for you! Well this recovery period is definitely lengthy. I also felt my equipment leaning against the wall...very weird feeling.

I think I read that you were thinking of going back to work earlier. From my understanding of recovery, I would not rush it if you dont need to...of course we all need to eat. Lucky for me I have 3 months and to tell you the truth, I can't imagine NOT working until than but from what I read some people that went back earlier, were sorry they did. I recently purchased a language DVD so figured I would try to keep myself busy trying to learn another language. ....easier said than done...I know myself I am already getting a little restless hahhah especially used to working 50 hr week.

Well I am happy for this site and look forward to reading everyones progress and hopefully be helpful to others. :niceone:

Thanks,

Christina

mark
15th March 2006, 09:17 PM
Originally posted by curvy@Mar 15 2006, 07:53 PM

Preop curve 92 degrees with disc degeneration. The doctor stated my curve is now around 40 degrees...I will see on the 28th of March and keep you posted.
Perhaps I should start my own thread and document.
I look forward to reading it :niceone:

Phil
15th March 2006, 09:23 PM
I actually have my 12 week appointment next monday. So im a little ahead... I've decided at this point i'm not going back to work until end april/may. learning a new language is a great idea, very worthwhile! hope you continue to improve.

mark
20th March 2006, 11:57 AM
How did the 12 week appointment go Phil? I hope everythings ok

Round The Twist
18th October 2006, 08:00 PM
Hi Peeps,

I need a rant and found this old posting.....

Before I start I want you all to understand I love my OH very much, we have been together 14 years next month and have been through a hell of a lot together, BUT he is driving me NUTS!!!
I just don't know what to do. He is so stressed b/c of this surgery, but he gets grumpy, really grumpy.
I got him to read my list of what I can't do after surgery and he was not impressed. I really feel he didn't know how much was expected from him until he saw that letter and is now struggling to deal with it.
At the mo, he works nights, 4 nights a week, we have 2 kids aged 9 and almost 7 who I am their primary carer, also I do what little housework that gets done in this house except for hoovering, so our house is very untidy but fairly clean as I can't so a lot of housework due to my back and the amount of pain I am in, but currently I do all the dishes, all the cooking, all the washing and take care of the kids and pets, once I have had my op he will have to take over all of what I do, and carry on working, so I can understand why he is stressed, but just wish he wouldn't be so grumpy and snappy with us all, it makes me feel so awful, like all this is my fault, also I have been seriously considering pulling out of the surgery, despite my pain, because of the amount of stress it is causing everyone.
I just don't know what to do, I'm screaming inside my head so noone can hear me, if I try to talk to him he just grumps at me even more.....

Sorry everyone but I just had to get some of that off my chest, I know there's nothing anyone can do, I'll just have to put up with it and try and get through the next 6 months without snapping.

Kat x

mark
18th October 2006, 08:58 PM
Hi Kat

I think you need to sit him down somewhere he can't escape from and tell him how you feel and i'm sure once he understands how much pain your in and how much surgery is going to help not just you but the whole family then i'm sure he will come round. If that doesnt work then just tell him your having the surgery no matter how much he moans and he's just going to have to look after you and the kids for once. If you need surgery then you need surgery, don't let anyone put you off having it.

If you need to rant then don't worry, rant away

I hope you can get him to see how selfish he appears to be , see sense and support you and the kids

mark

Round The Twist
19th October 2006, 12:13 AM
Thanks for your good advice Mark,
Unfortunately I have already tried talking to him abut the op, he is well aware that I need this op, for myself and our kids, I think he is scared, and worried about how he will cope, sometimes I feel like he thinks I have it easy - 'all' I have to do is have my op and then sit there and be waited on hand and foot until I am better, while he slaves away working full time, looking after the kids and running the house LOL :thwack:
I understand he has a lot on his plate, but I didn't ask for Scoliosis, or a second surgery, or a shed load of pain and I could really do without him snapping at me evrytime I ask him to do something, I just don't know how to approach this with him without him biting my head off.

:soapbox: :rant: :soapbox: :rant:

Aaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!

That about sums up how I feel at the moment :help: :nut:

Ok I am off to bed :yawn:

Amazed Jean
19th October 2006, 04:45 AM
Hey there rant away. Sometimes we have to just vent it all out. I find just the act of typing and knowing that other people are out there that care enough to read what I have put on this site is a great help. I even find that sometimes I sit here for a half an hour just pouring out my heart on the computer is enough and I 'll go back when I'm done and completely erase the whole mess - but I feel better and it helped to organize my thoughts. On the subject of your OH I'd say that he is starting to realize how much slack he is going to have to pick up for you and he is frightened by it. You can't let that deter you from your going forward with your surgery. You need to act while you are young enough to get a good result from your surgery. Do it for yourself and your kids and OH will benefit in the long run.

mark
19th October 2006, 10:21 AM
Sounds like you need to be more forceful with him. Just sit him down, tell him to stop being so selfish and think about you for a change. Remind him your a partnership and he is just going to have to pull his weight. We all need some care and attention from time to time and this is just going to have be his time for giving you some

Please don't not go through with the surgery because your partner has a problem with doing a little housework as later in life you may look back and regret that fact you did'nt. You should also remind him that in the long run if your curves are left to progress your health is going to be significantly affected and i'm sure once he realises this he will stop being so selfish.

sins
19th October 2006, 11:56 AM
Hi Kat,
His reactions are perfectly normal! People have their own ways of coping with stress and sometimes OHs just crumble at certain times under pressure.It's not realistic to expect partners to understand or to put aside their own fears in order to support us.
However it doesn't mean that he should continue being snappy with you.Your kids are exactly the same age as mine and it would be worse if you had a baby or a toddler.
Working nights is a killer and would make someone grumpy even on a good day!!!When I work nightshift my husband daren't even talk to me on that day.
Firstly, it's only the first few weeks wher you'll need extra care around the house.
A seven and nine year old are far from helpless and under instruction, they can prepare their own clothes and get themselves a bowl of cereal before school.A nine year old can hoover and load the dishwasher and make a sandwich.
Even if they just clear up their own mess thay can ease the burden on you.Your OH will have to get them to school though.
Close to the time, explain to the kids that you'll need some extra help as you're having an op on your back to make you feel better. By pulling the family together as a team, life can be a lot easier, but put your changes in place now and it'll be better in the long term.
Finally accept all offers of help/shopping/cooking from in laws,outlaws and neighbours.
You'll get through it somehow, and don't beat yourself up worrying about it for the moment.Just try to reassure the OH that it'll be ok with some effort and determination but you must all pull together.
Sins

titch
19th October 2006, 12:30 PM
The other half and I don't have children to worry about, and my revision surgery was still incredibly stressful for all concerned. His biggest fear, that he never put into words, was that I was not going to survive the surgery. He wasn't able to get time off as such, although for the first couple of weeks he was able to work entirely from home, but the fact that the office was in London, so to go in for the day was a 16 hour day including the train was exhausting, or he had to stay in London between 2 days and worry about me - it didn't exactly do much for his peace of mind!

Also, perhaps you're like me - the calm, rational one, that holds it all together in the face of disaster, keeps everything ticking over smoothly so that the bills get paid, the minimum necessary housework gets done, and invest a lot of energy in keeping the more volatile male of the species on an even keel. Of course the problem leading up to the surgery was that it was so massive, I just didn't have the extra energy to do that - I needed my emotional strength and energy just to get myself through it and to know that I'd have enough left to get me through the recovery too. Basically, I just wasn't able to be as supportive or helpful as I normally try to be - which then of course backfires somewhat, as the situation starts getting worse, stressed man, more arguments, withdraw into yourself more, vicious circle.

One thing that drove me completely up the wall was that I desperately wanted to get the living room and dining nook painted, as I was going to have to sleep down there initially and didn't want to be looking at tester patches and a mess the whole time. I couldn't do it without the furniture being moved for me. I did everything short of beg it seemed, and he just refused to move or do anything. I was absolutely livid, and really had no idea how the hell we were going to cope after the surgery when I'd be so incapacitated for a while. In fact I came home from hospital to find the whole downstairs there beautifully decorated, because he'd spent the last fortnight working on it. When it came to it, he just picked up everything, and dealt with it all. I think the fear of it all was far worse than the reality, and also once it became reality, it was something there to be coped with - and that's something men are generally far better at dealing with.

Round The Twist
21st October 2006, 11:46 PM
Thank you all so much for you support, it means a lot to me :squeeze:

I have spoken to OH and mentioned him becoming 'Mr Angry' when he gets stressed out, I don't think he realises he gets so cross, and over the past few days I have noticed him trying really hard not to fly off the handle.

I've also had a word with one of his mates who said the same a me, he is under a lot of stress (not just me and the op situation) and to call him if I need him, which I think is really sweet and makes me feel much better.

Titch - You are right, i am the calm one that doesn't get in a flap often, however I have to admit I am starting to get in a bit of a flap over my op as time goes by :hammer:

Sins - The kids do already help me a lot, they have to cos I just can't do some things, they can make their own drinks, sandwiches and toast if nessessary I also taught my 9 year old how to make a cup of coffee a coule of weeks back :ph34r:
Obviously they can also sort out their clothes and get dressed ok

Have to admit i'm getting a little nervy, its less than 3 weeks away now
:shock: have arranged with doc that I can go and get som tranquilisers if I need them, might get some for OH too LOL

titch
22nd October 2006, 12:13 PM
*hehehehe* A friend of mine reckoned when she was having a terribly stressed time that what she actually needed was tranquilisers for some of her family so that they'd chill out and stop bugging her, rather than for her :lol: Seriously though, if it helps you get through the last period then it's got to be a good thing to get some. I'll try to hunt out the link, but there's a CD that often gets recommended on Flatback Revised, called something like the Successful Surgery CD. Getting hold of that, or something similar may also help - even if, like Cam, all it really does is soothe you off to sleep ;-)

It's really good that you've been able to talk to your other half - I think sometimes even if there's no answers just to sort of confirm that you're both working on the same thing helps :-) I'm sure he'll be even better after the surgery is done, when he can be practical and helpful, and just knows what he's actually dealing with. And good news on the kids too - sounds like they're as well prepared as they can be, and I bet they'll be glad to be able to help too, it'll probably make them feel better.

Abbi
23rd October 2006, 12:50 AM
Hi Kat! I am sorry to hear that you haven't been having a great time with the OH recently! I don'ty actually have any experience of OHs and kids etc, but I do have experience of what family is like after surgery!

I think you may find that you're family will adapt pretty well after your surgery! It is a stressful time, and they will be worried, but they will do anything for you! My 11 year old sister was running around the house getting me everything I needed, like fresh hot water bottles, and drinks....hopefully after the inital worry of the actual surgery is over, your OH will be able to adapt ok to helping you out, and looking after the house too!!

I hope your surgery goes well....

:squeeze: Abbi

flump
23rd October 2006, 09:24 PM
Hi,

I can't really add much more than the others, but I think once it has happened and your OH see's you after surgery an instinct will kick in to help you. it's human nature, I agree with Sins if th kids can muck in as well that will make life easier. As long as you're not too house proud, the time will soon fly by and you'll be back to the old routines.

I'm 6 months post op now, and it really seems like a distant memory.

All the best

Catherine