View Full Version : I saw my back for the first time..

21st May 2004, 09:22 PM
Ok i just used two mirrors to see my back and i didnt know it looked so bad. I almost started to cry. You can totally see my curves. This is all my fault cause i never wear my brace like I am supposed to. I instantly went and put it on. I am going to wear it to work tonight. It scares me because I have an sppointment coming up... :( :-?

21st May 2004, 09:54 PM
i went trough the same thing about two weeks ago. I bought a digital camera and had someone take a pic so i could really see it. I actually did cry after seeing it, but you really shouldn't. For one, it doens't really get you any further, but it can be a relief sometimes. Just be glad you still got the opportunuty to wear a brace, i never wore mine and i'm having surgery in june. Sometimes i'm ok with that, but other moments i can burst into tears because i'm scared like hell.

Don't be ashamed because of your back, i've learned that everybody has his or hers problems, and i'd rather have a bad spine that being a total idiot and having no human sense (like someone i know)

If you feel like talking, let us know, we're here for you!

21st May 2004, 10:32 PM
I just did the same thing two nights ago... I used the timer setting on my digital camera to take a picture of my back. I'm sure mine is worse than both of yours (severe congenital scoliosis, fusion at 11mos.), but I was actually kind of relieved because it doesn't look as bad as I thought it would. Even my scars are less pronounced than I thought they'd be.

Hmm. Since you all are going through the same thing, I guess I don't have to be ashamed to show you... if you'd like to see a picture of my back, PM me and I'll give you a link to where I'll post the picture.

22nd May 2004, 08:30 AM
I don't think I've seen a picture of all of your backs. I still remember the weird moment when I saw mine for the first time; I wondered how no one else ever saw it.

And Carly, I thought youw ere comfortable sleeping in your brace now? Does it still hurt or something? Is that why you won't wear it.

22nd May 2004, 11:33 AM
i forgot to mention, i had my pic taken without any clothes on. The person who took it, said that it wasn't that visible if i have clothes on. I'll have to let him take one with clothes, so i can see the difference myself.

22nd May 2004, 05:46 PM
yeh, I used 2 mirrors. I did that b4 and after my operation... to see the difference.
Before the operation, I hated the curves - but afterwards, now, I hate the scars :/ oh well xxxxxx

22nd May 2004, 05:49 PM
Blue Ice - good luck with your surgery in June. I'll be thinking of you :) xxxxxxxx

22nd May 2004, 06:07 PM
Carly never blame yourself! I look at pictures now of me from then and I wanna cry too because I never realised I was that bad but never ever blame yourself!

22nd May 2004, 06:18 PM
Well wearing a brace can aid, I wore mine 24/7 for 6 years... First year was a casket/gips which I couldnt take of at all!

Your health is your own responsebility cant blame other ones for it...

22nd May 2004, 06:51 PM
well, you still cant blame yourself really, can you?
i mean scoliosis cannot be prevented.
yeh ok, wearing a brace helps but still...

22nd May 2004, 10:02 PM
Originally posted by iamcrooked@May 22 2004, 06:18 PM
Your health is your own responsebility cant blame other ones for it...
Yes, your health may be your own responsibility, but having scoliosis is not! Fact is that in some cases braces don't help at all-you only have to look at what some people have had to put up with to know that the end results question bracing! I never had the oppurtunity to wear a brace, because mine was discovered way too late. In no way can you say that that was my fault, because in reality people just don't know what they are looking for sometimes. Look at the title of this forum, nowhere does it say scoliosis-put-me-downs, and in no way should we be talking about blame.

Thaleias spirit
22nd May 2004, 10:19 PM
Whilst it is up to you to take care of yourself...and all our advice / criticisms / well meaning comments are given to you...sometimes a person has to experience, be it the pain, the anger, the frustration for themselves before they can understand why they have to make certain decisions..

i had countless arguements with my doctors about my attitude to taking my thyroid medication...what would happen if i didnt, that they only meant well, i read through so many books for information...and still thought i dont need it, its only a tablet...how bad can it get?..how bad it did get was extremely ill...and pains all over that i thought my bones would snap cos i was so tired...and unhappy... and eventually scared of what the outcome was..

what im trying to tell you guys is...i had to experience the pain to understand it...and then and only then was i able to lean on my doctors advice...and eventually start to take care of me...

I dont blame the doctors and I certainly dont blame me...i was scared and dealing with something i knew nothing about...and whilst everybody meant well..they didnt understand how alienated i felt...

Carly..you got a shock..maybe thats all you needed to spur you into realising that as bad as the brace is that it may actually help...but you have to do it for you hon, nobody else okay...

but you still have a chance...you can and will get through it...and i know that because you have other people here who have gone through what you're going through...and somewhere down the line you will be able to pass on your experience to another person out there...

you can do it! just take each day as it comes Carly...
and as we've said before...if there is ever a moment that it seems hard/ scary / tiring...then all you have to do is pm someone here and they'll be more than willing to listen you okay

I got there in the end...so I know you can too!!!!!!!


22nd May 2004, 10:54 PM
Thank you everyone! I guess it was a good shock because i wore my brace for 24 hours straight!! I am so proud of myself. I just finished doing my sterches from physio as well. I still cant believe it though, how bad it was. I really think it has gotten worse... it worries me. What if I have to get surgury?? My mom says she would not consent to it but personally if it will give me a straight back, i would do it in a second. I am so worried for my appointment.. only time will tell

23rd May 2004, 04:28 AM
I personally think surgery is better then wearing a brace but I am very self concious (I spelt that wrong) and I am used to surgery so thats only my opinion the surgery rreally isnt that bad I didnt think

23rd May 2004, 10:04 AM
Carly, mine did get worse and although it was a 50-50 chance of it doing so, I took that chance and I had to have surgery. Thing is, if it hadn't have got worse I don't think I would've had the surgery because I hate anything medical like that. In a way I am glad it did deteriorate, because now I have had the surgery (which wasn't really optional) and my back is something to be proud of. I don't understand why your mum won't consent to it, though, doesn't she understand how many people are so much happier after it all? What were your degrees at last measurement?

23rd May 2004, 10:21 AM
Originally posted by Carly@May 22 2004, 11:54 PM
Thank you everyone! I guess it was a good shock because i wore my brace for 24 hours straight!! I am so proud of myself. I just finished doing my sterches from physio as well. I still cant believe it though, how bad it was. I really think it has gotten worse... it worries me. What if I have to get surgury?? My mom says she would not consent to it but personally if it will give me a straight back, i would do it in a second. I am so worried for my appointment.. only time will tell
i'm maybe not the right person to tell you this, because i haven't had my surgery and sometimes i don't want it. But somewhere inside i just know it's the right thing for me to do. It will be hard, but if i don't do it now, i'll probably regret it later... And doctors always told me it's best to do it as young as possible, because your body recovers faster that way.

what you decide is up to you, but i don't think having surgery is the end of the world. I've had the opportunity to choose when i wanted it done, so now i have two months of vacation right after surgery. I hope that's enough time for me to recover and be able to go back to school when it starts. Good luck with your appointment, i'll be crossing my fingers!

23rd May 2004, 01:31 PM
Hi Carly,
Well done for trying your Brace again.I know you've been in a lot of pain over the last few weeks and you took off your brace due to this.Scoliosis surgery is not the end of the world but my advice to you is to avoid surgery if at all possible.An unfused spine is always preferable to a fused one.In spite of your brace the curve might still progress......but it will be at a slower rate and if surgery is needed it will be easier to correct a small curve than a larger one.I'm sure that if your consultant suggests surgery at a later date your mother will do what needs to be done.Just make sure to tell your consultant about the problems you've been having and perhaps your brace needs changing if you've out grown it. All you can do is try your best. At least if you wear your brace and still end up having surgery, you can be happy that you tried everything possible to avoid it and if you don't wear the brace and have the surgery maybe later you'll ask yourself what if??Good luck with your appointment and we'll all be wishing the best for you.

23rd May 2004, 01:56 PM
If I had waltzed into my x-ray appointment in February and they had told me that the brace had helped me to such an extent that surgery was no longer necessary, I would have asked for surgery anyway. For me it would have been the difference between a 40 degree curve and a 10 degree curve, and I know what I'd rather have. Regardless of what I'd have to go through to get there. Kayla - "self conscious" - not far off at all.

23rd May 2004, 09:43 PM
Originally posted by floralgypsy@May 22 2004, 09:02 PM
Yes, your health may be your own responsibility, but having scoliosis is not!
thanks for agreeing :)

24th May 2004, 06:47 PM
It is what you make out of your life what counts, not looking for excuses for something you cannot help for...

Bracing IS a good way to decrease Scoliosis and I must say I never liked it nor do I believe strongly in it. I do know its worth a try and can work if its worn when your suposed to wear it...

Not having worn the darn brace for awhile can/could have lead to curves increase. Good for Caryl she has faced the consequences and is now finally trying this form of therapy. :goodjob:

24th May 2004, 08:35 PM
Originally posted by iamcrooked@May 24 2004, 11:47 AM

Not having worn the darn brace for awhile can/could have lead to curves increase. Good for Caryl she has faced the consequences and is now finally trying this form of therapy. :goodjob:
what form of therapy am i trying?

25th May 2004, 03:07 PM
I think he means you're trying the bracing therapy now, i.e. you're actually wearing the brace.

I'm pretty sure I'm right; if not I'm sure I'll be corrected. ;-)

25th May 2004, 03:19 PM
I hope your curve stabilises soon Carly and if you can get away with out needing surgery then all the better. Sins is right its better to straighten a smaller curve than a large one hope your brace is'nt causing you too much discomfort.

26th May 2004, 05:16 AM
no my brace is fine. some nights i go crazy but i will live. i usually end up taking it off in the early morning but i dunno at what time. i am still half asleep.
I have a really bad feeling about this appointment on june 2nd. as much as my physio and massage say my back looks better, i dont think it does. if she does say surgery i know for a fact my mom will want a second opinion cause i am NOT having her do it. she did something with my neighbors hip and she opened up the wrong hip and had to switch sides after relizing her mistake. If i did have surgery i would write a huge X where my back is just to make sure. I dont think i will have surgury, i mean the curve has to be 40 right. But if it has gotten worse and t hey dont think i am done growing so... oh i dunno i will just have to wait and see

26th May 2004, 11:42 AM
getting second opinions on surgery is never a bad idea. But i don't think (hope..) she'll mistake your back with something else :-)
try not to worry about your appointment too much

26th May 2004, 12:29 PM
It's important to have faith in your doctor's ability, especially when it comes to spine surgery.I can't imagine that it'll ever need to be done urgently and I agree with Blue Ice .Get a second opinion and even a third.Blair checked out a few doctors before settling on her choice and it worked out really well.You'll know a lot more when you have your next appointment and try to get a copy of some of your x rays to take away if you ever decide to change doctors.I wish it was over for you and you knew for sure if the curve was stable.........

26th May 2004, 02:24 PM
Ivy is right. ;)

And get 2nd opinion Carly!

26th May 2004, 02:57 PM
Well good luck for June the 2nd and if your second opinion is not what you consider to be the right one get a third.

26th May 2004, 03:02 PM
so you guys are saying to get a second opinion regardless of what happens on the 2nd?

26th May 2004, 03:14 PM
Get a second opinion IF the curve has gone over 40 degrees and if she mentions surgery. Make sure you get a measurement for the curve and try to get your hands on your x rays just in case you decide to change.It'll save time later.If I remember correctly you haven't been pleased with her interpretation of your x rays.Only you can decide if she's the right one to operate.But really,the question of surgery may not arise.You won't have to make up your mind about it if all goes well, but try to find some reason for your recent back pain.Do you know what the curve measures?

26th May 2004, 07:03 PM
Yep. I went through four doctors before picking one. One orthopedist/sports medecine type guy, and three surgeons.
My orthopedist put me in physical therapy, which didn't do anything for me.
Then I found my first orthopaedic surgeon. It took a while to find one who would handle adult scoliosis cases. He was great, but a long way from home. So he referred us to somebody closer to home.
I saw another orthopaedic surgeon while waiting to get in to see the guy I was referred to. It was a thorough waste of my time. He took one look at my X-rays, and basically told me to live with my pain and deformity.
Then I saw my third and final surgeon. He was starchy, and didn't sugarcoat anything, but you could tell he knew what he was talking about. I went into my surgery confident in his abilities. (Or at least, as confident as you can be when you're having a bunch of metal stuck in your back.... ;) ). And like Sins mentioned, my results were really wonderful.
I think that probably even if the second surgeon I saw had recommended surgery, I wouldn't have gone through with it. I just didn't get a good feeling about him like I did with the first two docs.

26th May 2004, 10:49 PM
i will see how it goes, I mean i dont even know yet if I will ever need surgery and i hope i wont. I just have this really bad feeling.... :(

27th May 2004, 12:30 AM
Good luck Carly. I'm sure whatever happens will be fine. If you need surgery... well... you need surgery. At least there won't be any anticipation between appointments. and if you dont... then hooray! The brace sucks and it's awful and don't beat yourself up for not wearing it. just keep in mind the possible consequences. Good for you for wearing it though!

3rd June 2004, 09:23 AM
There are plenty here who have had surgery recently, have any of us had a rod inserted in the wrong section of the back or an extra scar where it's not required? Surgery has improved greatly these days, it's a little harder to screw up in that sense like your neighbour. Is your surgeon going to open up the wrong back?

The idea is to stay positive about surgery, you may not even need it. No need to be thinking that far down the track :) Good luck in what may happen, you'll be ok.
Congrats on how discipline you've been lately, and have fun with the gym :)